Original one liners

Time for some original one-liners... Please be warned that these might trigger extreme reactions ranging from extreme laughter to extreme banging of your head :-) ...

1. I hate driving this car, but I love driving you crazy

2. If you find that this car is being driven rashly or negligently, then don't come near the car ..

3. If you are reading this, then you are on the wrong side of the road..

4. My heart is not as big as my belly..

5. I want my no-claim bonus. If you want yours, stop reading and start driving…

6. Blackberry alert... Not mine, the cop's..

Arm chair expert - Prelude

Indians are highly opinionated. Everybody has an opinion on every matter. It is so deep that software engineers have opinions on how to improve the quality and quantity of agriculture produce, farmers have opinions on how to win more gold medals in olympics and so on.. Everybody is an arm chair expert. I have noticed this during cricket matches, especially those involving India.. The most common area which is discussed is politics. The current happenings come a close second.. This is hardly noticeable in other developed countries. During the presidential elections in the land of opportunities, I wanted to make small talk with one of the people out there and made the mistake of asking who might win the election. Out came a curt reply that they don't discuss politics and religion.. This incident made me aware of the unique ability of my country men people..

Given that I also share the traits of my fellow citizens, I am starting with a series of posts in my blog  with my opinions on various topics. Will try to cover a topic in each post.

Watch this space for more.

Disclaimer : I am not an expert in any of the topics being discussed in this series. I have tried my level best to be as objective as possible. I am not affiliated to any political party or NGO. The intention here is not to just anybody's sentiments. In case if you feel otherwise, please pardon me.

October 30th

October 30th is a big red letter day in Indian history... This is the day our country comes onto the global map big time..
This is because of the F1 Indian GP happening that day. This has bought Metallica here for a grand performance..

Am seriously looking forward to both of these events..

Jai Ho !!!

KISS

Hmmm.. life.. Sometimes it feels too easy and some times too difficult.. What might be the reason????

The problem is that we think too much and complicate the matters.. I have heard of the term KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid) ... Makes a lot of sense.. Everywhere starting from life to software...

Why am I thinking like this.. This is the reason why I haven't blogged for ages.. Thinking too hard to get a topic and by the time I got it, was too tired to blog on it... Anyways I am back (this time hopefully I blog more regularly)..

Till next time Ta Ta!!!!

Safe travel???

Hey everyone, been a long time since I posted on this blog. Loads of things have changed since I last blogged. The year 2009 has gone by in a flash. The world economy has yo-yo'd back from a recession. Least of it all(???), Metalhead is going to lose his bachelor's and (soon to be) Mrs Metalhead will gain her masters in a few weeks time..
So, that sort of explains the absence of Metalhead from the blogosphere. Lack of interesting topics was one of the main reasons Metalhead has been missing from action.
I had read in the newspapers that there was an unsuccessful attempt to blow up a flight on the way to the land of opportunities. The impact of this was huge. On another flight to the same place, a poor guy had a stomach upset. He made quite a few trips to the loo, which was noticed and handed over to the authorities as a possible "suspect". Suspect for what? Being gastronomically challenged!!! ..
Voila!! there comes new rules on the flights in the air space of the land of opportunities..
1. Passengers should not get up from the seat one hour before the flight lands
2. Nothing to be kept on the laps
3. Passengers shouldn't reach their bags.. and etc...
After reading this, my brain started working overtime and came up with some better ideas to improve safety in travel
1. Passengers to declare while checking in, whether they expect temporary illness like stomach upset, vomitting, food poisoning(Chances are bleak, as food is not usually offered in the flight), which requires frequent trips to the loo during flight.
2. Footwear not be worn on foot, rather carried in a transparent plastic bag
3. Passengers should wear diapers similar to the astronauts during flight (This will be available for a nominal fee).. Otherwise, risk being a "suspect".
4. Stainless steel clamps to replace seat belts to hold passengers onto the seats during the complete flight.
5. Only clothes certified "safe" by the authorities to be worn by passengers. This includes undergarments..

Let me know if you guys have some ideas to make our travel safe.. If this continues, I think people will start using horses and mules for transportation, rather go thru all these hassles...
Hmm.. thatz food for thought.. Till next time Ta Ta!!!

Metalhead's tips while travelling..

Life sure is funny... Sometimes funny doesn't make you laugh.. Just like most of jokes, which I crack which are "funny"... I have seen people react to my jokes with more tears than what they usually have after watching King Kahn's movies ... BTW, the spelling mistake is intentional :-P ..

Coming back to my statement.. I say this because it has been some time since I left home to the land of opportunities and when I look back, I was surprised to notice that I have been travelling abroad quite a bit.. So what is a blog without a travelogue? So here is one in this blog...

While most of the people blog about their experience and adventures while travelling.. I thought I will post this based on my (mis)adventures during my travels.. So here comes the list of tips on what not to do while travelling, exclusively from the vaults of Metalhead's wisdom (However minute it may be)..

TIP 1:
Don't look at strangers undergoing extra security check @ the departure gate.. especially if they belong to your country or thereabouts..

POSSIBLE OUTCOMES :
You might have to answer lots of questions to a security officer, whose english is barely understandable.. Better be careful.. especially while answering questions like .. Do you have training in Chemical and Biological weapons... The answer maybe : I am a bio-chemical weapon.. I generate Bio-chemical gases on a regular basis.. Remember this, if you give this answer, you might end up in a cell eating cockroaches.. YUCK!!!

TIP 2 :
Never assume that the gate number printed on your boarding pass is the correct one

POSSIBLE OUTCOMES:
You might end up as Usain Bolt's distant cousin .. especially while running to the right gate.. Running fast with a heavy cabin bag is not fun.. It is not fun for your co-passengers on the plane, as you will be stinking pretty badly after your run :-) ..

TIP 3 :
Sleep in the plane, but not at the departure gate..

POSSIBLE OUTCOMES :
You might miss your plane.. But you might forget your ipod on da seat where you were catching forty winks, while trying to catch the plane..

TIP 4 :
When you are catching a bus to the airport.. Check whether the bus goes to the airport..

POSSIBLE OUTCOMES :
You might end up on the wrong side of the city.. Best case scenario, you might get a chance to run back to the bus station and catch the correct bus... Worst case scenario, you may irritate the driver.. :-) ..

As I continue travelling.. there will be more tips.. Watch this space for more..

Till next time .. Ta Ta ..

Not another review!!!

Looks like an impression is created that good ol' Metalhead has gone soft recently. Well, he has not gone soft. In fact, he is exploring some random thoughts, which are a bit ummm.. err... un-Metalhead-ian.. :-) ..

I guess people might feel that it is high time that Metalhead started reviewing his style.

Oh no!!! not again.. not the R-word again...nope, I am not talking about one of my earlier posts.. In fact this is the word "Review" .. There are quite a lot people who make a fortune on Reviews and lots of people waiting to make a fortune(?????) on reviews...

Whenever I open a book or newspaper, there is a movie review awaiting me.. In case, I visit some music site, they have a link to view Music reviews.. Then comes the book reviews, vehicle reviews, mobile reviews and so on ... aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgh!!! Oh God!! Please save me from the reviews.. Hopefully he will review my prayer... oh oh!! there comes the word again...

How did I come to loathe this word ??? Lemme review the past for your benefit... Sorry people!!! I'm trying my best to remove this word from my vocabulary.. For my convenience and your inconvenience , from now on in this post, I will use the abbreviated form "R*" in place of the word "Review"... Nah!!! After a R* of this post, I think it will be better to use the word, because I don't want to drive the readers away.. he he he

Let us review(formerly, R*) the time before I entered the corporate world, I was a student who did not have any qualm about any reviews, except the ones for my marks... Then I entered into the big bad Reviewing world of software engineers... Then started the reviews in my life ....

It started on tate fateful day during my training in my company. There was a session on Software Engineering principles ..(For the uninitiated, it means how best to develop a project.. All I knew then was that we had to write some code.. This said that we need to do other things, which takes more time than writing code :-).. ) .. this was similar to the title of one of my subjects during my college... But being the guy I am, I don't remember anything beyond that... Looks like I have a long term memory loss problem (akin to Ghajini, Amir Khan and Surya now have a fierce competitor :-P )... Coming back to the training, the instructor introduced a new word.. "Review".. Well it wasn't new.. But it took a new meaning henceforth..

There are different types of review in the Software World... Peer review, Code review, Design Review, Test case review, Estimation review, etc.. and then comes the deadliest of all.. Performance Review..
So basically, everything we do needs to be reviewed.. It is good that we don't have to review other aspects in the Software world like eating, and the aftermath of all the eating..

Initially, when I was the reviewee (the guy whose work always gets reviewed, or in short the fall guy), I used to wonder what the fuss was all about.. Shouldn't the work be done correctly the first time.. Well, as I kept on working up the corporate food chain (For the record ,am still very low on the food chain, my place is very similar to bacteria on the food chain), I understand that work will not be done correctly the first time around.. Oops!! let me not spill the secrets of this business.. let me change my statement.. I meant things "may" not be done correctly the first time around .. so the need to review things..

Even though I was stuck in reviews in office, I felt that reviews will not affect my life.. Then came the revelation.. One of the days, I was planning to go out for lunch with my friends.. I realized how reviews have come to haunt my life.. I was looking out for Restaurant reviews... Aaarghh!!! Didn't realize how much I have come to rely on reviews... How can I end up trusting some person's taste buds..

The people in the place I stay in now rely a lot on the reviews .. Even to the extent of weather reviews.. Ok.. I am exaggerating :-) ..

Instead of meandering meaninglessly over this.. I came to realize over time that reviews are just like our hair.. It is of no use.. But it is pretty difficult to survive without it..

Till next time.. Ta ta :-) ....

Marriage (food) blues

Hello readers.. Been more than a year since I blogged.. It was a combination of factors which didn't let me write a single post during the year of 2008.. Finally I have got a chance to blog something...

Lots of things have happened in my life during this year.. both professionally and personally..

Got promoted in early 2008 and now have more responsibility on my shoulders .. Travelled twice to the land of opportunities(!!!).. At the time of publishing this post.. am still here..

My sibling got married, my best friend got married and am in the dock now...

Looks like there is no escaping fate now..

Lots of my friends have got married and some of them are about to get married..

One real bad thing about living away from home during this phase is that I am missing loads of marriage food.. Hope I do get to return back before all my friends get married...

More than worrying about my marriage (which is very uncertain), I am really worried about missing all the different varieties of food, which will be served in marriages..

On that somber note, I am signing off .. Till next time.. Ta Ta...

????? - a short story

Disclaimer : The characters and events in this story are fictious . Any resemblance to those living or dead is a pure coincidence.


Dear readers,
This is my first attempt writing a thriller.. Please feel free to let me know whether you liked this.


PART 1 :

I woke up in the morning as always. My head was hurting. This has been happening for sometime now. I need to get my head examined yet again. Hospitals have become my second home now. Yet nobody was in a position to tell me what is wrong. I have this real bad feeling about this, which can't be explained.I got up and drank some tea. This is the only solace I have from this. I got myself dressed and drove upto the hospital. I am meeting the best-among-the-best neurologist Dr. Misra. I went to meet him and handed out all my previous medical reports. He started to have a look at all the reports .I picked my reports and headed home. I was pretty happy the way things went in the hospital and hoped that everything will be sorted out .


PART 2 :

This has been one of the worst months in my career. The case of murdered docs has been hitting my department and we have been working over time to crack this. The murders have been very gruesome and there were no clues available.The methods adopted have been inconsistent. But we still have a reason to believe that it was the same guy who has been doing this. Got a call from the control room that the famous neurologist Dr.Misra has been murdered in a gruesome manner in his home. There goes another life!! This is getting worse.


PART 3:

Felt like it has been a long day. I don't particularly remember having a lot of work in office. But am feeling damn tired.Time to hit the sack. I decided to take the medicines which Dr.Misra had prescribed. The medicine cover was soggy. Looks like the syrup has spilt in the cover. I threw away the cover and went to sleep.


PART 4:

Who said cops have all the perks!! we have to stay up all night and dig up clues from stuff near which no other person will dare to go. This murder is as mysterious as the previous ones. The only thing common to previous murders is the white powder which is present. Forensic reports were stating that this is nothing but powdered sugar. Why would someone leave powdered sugar?? Beats me!!

PART 5:

Another morning and my head hurts more. Took my tea and saw the news item in the news paper.

"FAMOUS NEUROLOGIST DR.MISRA MURDERED"
This is really strange. This is the fifth neurologist who has been murdered the past month. This is not getting any better. How come all the doctors I go for consultation are being murdered. Something is not right!!!


PART 6:

I don't know how I got into this mess. I am all tied up and am in the trunk of this car. Looks like there is no way to escape. The car has stopped. I Wonder what's happening and why this is happening. Hear a thud and the car is rolling downwards. How long will this go on!! The car stopped and water is coming in. Looks like I have reached the end. Never thought this day would come so soon.This cannot end like this.


PART 7:

Where am I and why am I standing here looking at the sea. Looks like a car is drowning.. Gotta save the people in the car.. The trunk is locked and I can see someone in there. I can feel a key in my pocket.. Good god!! the trunk opened with this key.. he is unconscious.. poor guy!! I wonder how he ended up in this car. I took him to the shore. Went through his pockets.. Looks like he is a cop. He looks familiar, but am unable to recognise him.. I called the police and ambulance.. They arrived here and took him away in an ambulance.. Hope that he can recover fully..


PART 8:

Am I alive?? That was the question which I had in my mind when I opened my eyes. I looked around and could see some of my friends who were very much alive. Thank God!! I need to nail the creep who did this to me.. The doctor had a look at me and he said I need bed rest for a month.. I don't have one month save more people from being his victm!!!


PART 9:

What the hell happened to my car?? Did I park it in my garage yesterday evening. It is nowhere to be seen on the road. Is it stolen , nah!! I don't think so. Lemme check my garage....The cop I saved yesterday he looked very familiar.. Nice mirror.. Hey!! I can see his face in the mirror.. Was it me?? How can I save myself?? I can't move my hands.. Why are my hands tied?? Hey this is not my garage!! This looks more like a jail.. Where am I?? Why am I put in a jail?? What did I do?? What is happening to me..


PART 10:

"This case is one of the most peculiar cases I have ever seen". Dr Misra remarked to his students, outside a cell in NIMHANS. "His name is Mark Daniel, a former cop. One of the best we ever had. While attempting to capture a smuggler, he was hit on the head and left for the dead inside a trunk of the car under the sea. He escaped death, instead he got something worse. He lives in a different world and has a lot of hallucinations. He is aware of the real world only for some time. A bad thing to happen to a great guy.Hope God takes him out of his misery."

-THE END-

I will be back....

This is one of the most famous dialogues, rather punch dialogues... After watching quite a lot of South Indian movies... I saw the movie "Terminator"... and this dialogue just passes by, without any special effects that accompany a punch dialogue... I still wonder how that became one of the greatest punch dialogues.. hmmmm.. that is food for thought..

I guess you'll be wondering why I had a random thought regarding this dialogue... Good Question.. Very Good Question... Next Question ;-) ....

I am back in the blogosphere after an extended and forced break.. where I wanted to blog a lot, yet ended up blogging nothing for a very long time.. I AM BACK... Just wait for some time to see the carnage around the blogosphere..

Now, don't ask me when I changed my name to BACK..he he he..